Job opening for Christian dealmaker

Job summary: A leading Christian Democratic party has an immediate opening for a skilled dealmaker and off-budget fundraiser for helping the party return to the right path and avoid sliding down the road to financial hell. This position requires at least four years of experience in speaking out of both sides of one's mouth, intimate knowledge of public procurement and offshore banking, and absolute spinelessness in promising the moon and the stars to potential sponsors. Priority will be given to applicants with dual citizenship (Swiss or Nauruan preferred), in case emergency extraction is required. Applicants must sign a non-compete clause and submit irrefutable evidence of past shady activity to serve as security against jumping ship to another top party. Apply now and join us in building a calm force that, with God's blessing, will once again be in a position to do unto others before they do unto us. [Czech Republic KDU-ČSL TOP 09 Miroslav Kalousek Cyril Svoboda]